When I was thinking about this, my first thought was that I missed everything. And truthfully in some way, I think I do. Especially the big stuff, the feeling of being loved, the care, the conversation. It’s all still there, and I do think about it often, with varying emotion. But there are a few things that I do now appreciate more and things that I am not missing quite so much. Also I feel we needed a slightly more lighthearted post after the few deeper ones of late!
Cooking
Cooking for two, every day (or most days) is not only tedious after work, but coming up with different meals every day for 3 meals is NOT it. The grocery shop is arguably more fun alone, because I am only thinking about me, and I can buy whatever I want without thinking about what anyone else fancies. Also trying to fit two people’s weekly shop in the fridge when we both eat an obscene amount is not easy. I can eat what I want, when I want, and it’s selfish, but not having to think about another person, and their nutrition is wonderful.
Laundry
The sheer amount of it, enough said. Two people, going to work everyday, the gym, and running, without even considering towels, bedding, pyjamas. I was doing a load a day, and trying to get it dry with a tiny radiator. Now that it’s just me, I actually find laundry therapeutic. Seemingly there is still an obscene amount, but it’s definitely easier. Also without the stress of making sure they have clean dry clothes for the week, it’s a weight off.
The Guilt
This is a funny one. But I always felt like I was holding that person back, not in life overall, even though maybe I was. But in the small things. If I didn’t want to go to the gym, I felt bad if that meant that they didn’t go. If I wanted take out, and they wanted to eat healthy, I felt bad wanting to order. I also don’t drive, so was reliant completely. If I wanted to go to the store, or out, I felt bad asking. Not having that feeling of guilt, and wondering if they are okay, if they’re happy, if they’re bored, and only having to consider my feelings, albeit selfish, it’s lighter.
Sharing a Duvet
No explanation needed.
Arguments
Normal in every relationship. The way we communicated wasn’t healthy in these moments and both of us would get heated and it never ended well. So the positive about being alone is that it’s really really difficult to argue with yourself.
Sharing a Bathroom
Self explanatory. Two reasons. living with a man is sometimes not enjoyable. And secondly, I can use it whenever I like and I never have to wait for anyone
Christmas
Splitting Christmas specifically. We had Christmas at my house pretty much every year, and the first year that he wanted to spend the day with his family, I was gutted. I was so selfish. But I will be honest, not splitting Christmas, and not having to feel guilty about that, I love that.
The Thermostat War
Maybe is this quite niche, but I liked the room hot, toasty, comfortable and always had the radiator on 30 degrees. He did not like that! He very much preferred it cooler, which meant one of us was uncomfortable with the temperature. Such a small thing, but when wracking my brain about things I don’t miss – it had to be included.
Money Talks
This one arguably still causes problems, but now just for me. They were very good with money, most of the time. Controlled spending, budgeting, sensible. I also thought too sensible, and sometimes it wound me up. I on the other hand, lived beyond my means. Everytime we went out I would buy something, big or small. I do think it’s a bit of a serious problem, but I couldn’t help myself. Although in all honesty, my love language was gift giving, and spending money on that person, and so that was my problem. Now however, I am not affected their finances, my money problems, are mine alone and it’s only myself I can be annoyed at. So for that reason, I do not miss the conversations where we discussed money.
Maybe deep down, I miss pretty much everything, but for the purpose of growth, these are the few things that are helping me heal.
The Becoming Her Diary 